Another from last week

I was in a large church walking around with my ex-girlfriend. We made our way around the hallways, catching up with some people I know. We tried to keep up with them but they just made their way further and further in front of us, I didn’t really feel like catching-up with them and turned to my ex and said, “You know, I don’t really like most of the people I know.” She said sweetly, “I know.” Continued through a doorway, and made our way down another hall when I said to her, “The biggest trick the devil came up with is to convince people he doesn’t exist.” She winked at me and pointed her finger at me in confirmation. She replied, “You know, I want to get baptized again.” To which I responded, “No, I’m talking about an absolute total change in living life.”

We ended up at the end of the hallway, and up some stairs to a pavilion above the track that encircled the massive gym we were in. On the bottom level to the right of the basketball court, was a buffet serving many varieties of foods. Ashley was smoking a cigarette, and I asked her to lay beside me. She ashed her cigeratte above our heads and the ashes fell on me. I said sarcastically, “Right on my face?” I began wondering how much longer our trip would be, and when my brother would be ready to go. I then started thinking about when we left, and how long we had been there. I thought to myself, “Trip? Where am I going? I’m not on a trip right now.” I became lucid.

I ran to the left and jumped over a balcony, purposefully choosing to climb over it as apposed to flying over it because I wanted to enjoy feeling the ledge and the act of climbing over it. I glided down to the ground and made my out of the sliding doors. I saw a building by a lake with the sun above it, and light was coming out of the building. I ran along the roadway, noticing distinctly how the cars were passing by me and how crisp their tires on the pavement sounded. As I was making my way up to the building, and the opening in the front was coming into viewpoint, the vision started skipping and wouldn’t let me get into viewing range. When it finally did it opened up to a building with no front wall, it was totally exposed. There was a large wooden carving of some sort of flower. There were wind chimes attached to string making their sounds in the wind. On the right wall were a bunch of glass plagues that had different things written on them. I looked over each one and picked one off of the wall and said aloud “I can’t read these” because they were written in English, but didn’t form actual words. Then I saw on a red plague “Psalms 13: 3”. After walking around the lake in the back and began being chased by a log monster I woke myself up.

I walked over to my computer and looked up Psalms 13: 3 “Look and answer me, Lord Jehovah, my God, and enlighten my eyes, lest I sleep unto death.” While as a child I am certain I read through the Psalms, but I haven’t made a point of doing so as an adult. I was struck when I read that verse. There were many implications to that verse. The whole of Psalms 13 is absolutely relevant to my state.

1 How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
4 and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.

My First Day

This has been a long road. It was, for a very long time, a wide and open road. With plenty of room for traps, diversions, used-cars salesmen and exits that led to no where. Along the way I traveled at top speed in some moments, others I came to a crawl and broke down completely. I’ve some very close calls, minor fender benders, and one very big head-on collision. Hanging by a thread, my pulse barely beating, I stood outside myself looking on with horror. I knew that I had played chicken too long, and that this was the end of me. I was asked by the Dr. if I wished to give up the fight, I declined. I knew there was a destination I was headed, I was sure of it. No way would I have been able to make it as far as I had without something waiting for me at the end, no way I would have fought as hard as I had to have made it, even lying on my death bed, to just give it up now. I had no idea the fight I was in for, what little I knew about the road I was driving on all along, or just how much I had to go. This is my first day, finally driving on that road, steady at the wheel, checking my mirrors, using my turn signals, following my GPS, and finally knowing my destination. This blog is my first on-ramp towards my goal.