From Last Week

As I continue to ask the people in my dreams about God, I found myself outside a very nice, old Victorian style house. The sun was coming through one of the windows, and the grounds around the home was full with beautiful trees. It certainly seemed to be a local that of somewhere in the Southern American states, given the rolling hills and lush trees. I peered through the glass panes on the white front-door and looked around. It was an open living room with a vast area, a black leather couch and two chairs around a coffee table were to the right. The opening to the smaller sized kitchen behind the seating area. I was afraid to enter, and said before starting to open the door, “Is God here? Do you know where God is.” At this point I feel it very necessary to state the fact to any readers out there that about 4 and 1/2 or so years ago, following a particular instance, I…lost my emotions? I, lost my connection, my real and deep connection to God. I started having lucid dreams nightly, and saw demons, hell and even Satan several times. The demons suggested I kill myself, and sleeping nightly ALWAYS included vast amounts of vodka. Even with which, I had to sleep on the bathroom floor with the fan on to get any kind of sleep. Following an actual exorcism  the nightly demons were gone (though they are still there, they do not “torment” me as directly), yet the lucid dreams are still a constant. Over time, I have learned how lucid dreaming works. Not asking specifics (at first anyway, though now I’m able to stop myself from waking up when asking specific questions like names, locations, ages and such), how to literally fall into lucidity by testing speaking and moving my limbs while dreaming, and things like this. I should have started writing these things down long ago, but at least I’ve started now.

Back to the dream. I slowly opened the door and saw four men (late 20’s/early 30’s) sitting at the couch and chairs. I asked again, “Do you know where I can find God?” And the black guy said, “I saw how fearfully you came in here. I would have done it fearfully as well.” with a smile. Another white guy said, “You mean the big baby? Why would you want to go see the big baby?” I said, “Do you know how I can find God?” “I know of about 3 people who can get you there without getting zapped. You get 2 hotdogs if you go see God!” I asked how I can be with God. He lost the snarkiness and said, “Just love Him. Out of your free-will.” I told him that I can’t feel emotions anymore, that I only feel afflicted. He didn’t respond. I started walking around the house, and looking out the windows. The trees were very large, green and the sun looked very beautiful through the window. I sat down next to what looked like a demon/dead person, but he wasn’t scary really. His eyes were recessed and around his eyes were blood-colored rings, and the flesh on the tip of his nose was beginning to fall away. Below his neck was a split, almost as though he was split in half. He had a 1930’s style gangster hat, and we started talking. He said, “If you are seeking wisdom, learn to get the pieces one at a time. Realize that you have natural responses to things that make you angry. Like even if a puppy poops on your shoe you’re going to get upset.” I told him that “I never seek revenge (which has been a life-long truth)” and he responded, “Revenge? Like when you’re sitting at a red-light and someone hits you and kills you and all the thousands of strands of your existence are pulled apart?” I thought he was getting angry so I started to get out of the chair but doing so woke me up.

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