I have been away from this blog for some time now. Up to this point, I have only written about my dreams. While these dreams are something I want to focus on, and find very important, I also want to begin covering other subjects. Even daily journals.
Today was productive, another day activally seeking God. Another day pushing past discomforts and forcing my head down in prayer, taking control of myself and being diliberate in my actions. Not making excuses for passivness, or justifying sin. Yesterday I had two major slip ups, of which I went to God in reverence seeking forgiveness. I feel a building up of my person in Christ, I am beginning to see and identify distinct differences between who I am in the flesh, and who I am in God. It is helping me in my struggle against all the things in myself that crave to satisfy the flesh, and in understanding when I need to hit my knees and seek out God for strength.
This has been a long road. It was, for a very long time, a wide and open road. With plenty of room for traps, diversions, used-cars salesmen and exits that led to no where. Along the way I traveled at top speed in some moments, others I came to a crawl and broke down completely. I’ve some very close calls, minor fender benders, and one very big head-on collision. Hanging by a thread, my pulse barely beating, I stood outside myself looking on with horror. I knew that I had played chicken too long, and that this was the end of me. I was asked by the Dr. if I wished to give up the fight, I declined. I knew there was a destination I was headed, I was sure of it. No way would I have been able to make it as far as I had without something waiting for me at the end, no way I would have fought as hard as I had to have made it, even lying on my death bed, to just give it up now. I had no idea the fight I was in for, what little I knew about the road I was driving on all along, or just how much I had to go. This is my first day, finally driving on that road, steady at the wheel, checking my mirrors, using my turn signals, following my GPS, and finally knowing my destination. This blog is my first on-ramp towards my goal.