Another from last week

I was in a large church walking around with my ex-girlfriend. We made our way around the hallways, catching up with some people I know. We tried to keep up with them but they just made their way further and further in front of us, I didn’t really feel like catching-up with them and turned to my ex and said, “You know, I don’t really like most of the people I know.” She said sweetly, “I know.” Continued through a doorway, and made our way down another hall when I said to her, “The biggest trick the devil came up with is to convince people he doesn’t exist.” She winked at me and pointed her finger at me in confirmation. She replied, “You know, I want to get baptized again.” To which I responded, “No, I’m talking about an absolute total change in living life.”

We ended up at the end of the hallway, and up some stairs to a pavilion above the track that encircled the massive gym we were in. On the bottom level to the right of the basketball court, was a buffet serving many varieties of foods. Ashley was smoking a cigarette, and I asked her to lay beside me. She ashed her cigeratte above our heads and the ashes fell on me. I said sarcastically, “Right on my face?” I began wondering how much longer our trip would be, and when my brother would be ready to go. I then started thinking about when we left, and how long we had been there. I thought to myself, “Trip? Where am I going? I’m not on a trip right now.” I became lucid.

I ran to the left and jumped over a balcony, purposefully choosing to climb over it as apposed to flying over it because I wanted to enjoy feeling the ledge and the act of climbing over it. I glided down to the ground and made my out of the sliding doors. I saw a building by a lake with the sun above it, and light was coming out of the building. I ran along the roadway, noticing distinctly how the cars were passing by me and how crisp their tires on the pavement sounded. As I was making my way up to the building, and the opening in the front was coming into viewpoint, the vision started skipping and wouldn’t let me get into viewing range. When it finally did it opened up to a building with no front wall, it was totally exposed. There was a large wooden carving of some sort of flower. There were wind chimes attached to string making their sounds in the wind. On the right wall were a bunch of glass plagues that had different things written on them. I looked over each one and picked one off of the wall and said aloud “I can’t read these” because they were written in English, but didn’t form actual words. Then I saw on a red plague “Psalms 13: 3”. After walking around the lake in the back and began being chased by a log monster I woke myself up.

I walked over to my computer and looked up Psalms 13: 3 “Look and answer me, Lord Jehovah, my God, and enlighten my eyes, lest I sleep unto death.” While as a child I am certain I read through the Psalms, but I haven’t made a point of doing so as an adult. I was struck when I read that verse. There were many implications to that verse. The whole of Psalms 13 is absolutely relevant to my state.

1 How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
4 and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.

From Last Week

As I continue to ask the people in my dreams about God, I found myself outside a very nice, old Victorian style house. The sun was coming through one of the windows, and the grounds around the home was full with beautiful trees. It certainly seemed to be a local that of somewhere in the Southern American states, given the rolling hills and lush trees. I peered through the glass panes on the white front-door and looked around. It was an open living room with a vast area, a black leather couch and two chairs around a coffee table were to the right. The opening to the smaller sized kitchen behind the seating area. I was afraid to enter, and said before starting to open the door, “Is God here? Do you know where God is.” At this point I feel it very necessary to state the fact to any readers out there that about 4 and 1/2 or so years ago, following a particular instance, I…lost my emotions? I, lost my connection, my real and deep connection to God. I started having lucid dreams nightly, and saw demons, hell and even Satan several times. The demons suggested I kill myself, and sleeping nightly ALWAYS included vast amounts of vodka. Even with which, I had to sleep on the bathroom floor with the fan on to get any kind of sleep. Following an actual exorcism  the nightly demons were gone (though they are still there, they do not “torment” me as directly), yet the lucid dreams are still a constant. Over time, I have learned how lucid dreaming works. Not asking specifics (at first anyway, though now I’m able to stop myself from waking up when asking specific questions like names, locations, ages and such), how to literally fall into lucidity by testing speaking and moving my limbs while dreaming, and things like this. I should have started writing these things down long ago, but at least I’ve started now.

Back to the dream. I slowly opened the door and saw four men (late 20’s/early 30’s) sitting at the couch and chairs. I asked again, “Do you know where I can find God?” And the black guy said, “I saw how fearfully you came in here. I would have done it fearfully as well.” with a smile. Another white guy said, “You mean the big baby? Why would you want to go see the big baby?” I said, “Do you know how I can find God?” “I know of about 3 people who can get you there without getting zapped. You get 2 hotdogs if you go see God!” I asked how I can be with God. He lost the snarkiness and said, “Just love Him. Out of your free-will.” I told him that I can’t feel emotions anymore, that I only feel afflicted. He didn’t respond. I started walking around the house, and looking out the windows. The trees were very large, green and the sun looked very beautiful through the window. I sat down next to what looked like a demon/dead person, but he wasn’t scary really. His eyes were recessed and around his eyes were blood-colored rings, and the flesh on the tip of his nose was beginning to fall away. Below his neck was a split, almost as though he was split in half. He had a 1930’s style gangster hat, and we started talking. He said, “If you are seeking wisdom, learn to get the pieces one at a time. Realize that you have natural responses to things that make you angry. Like even if a puppy poops on your shoe you’re going to get upset.” I told him that “I never seek revenge (which has been a life-long truth)” and he responded, “Revenge? Like when you’re sitting at a red-light and someone hits you and kills you and all the thousands of strands of your existence are pulled apart?” I thought he was getting angry so I started to get out of the chair but doing so woke me up.