Back Again

I have been away from this blog for some time now. Up to this point, I have only written about my dreams. While these dreams are something I want to focus on, and find very important, I also want to begin covering other subjects. Even daily journals.

Today was productive, another day activally seeking God. Another day pushing past discomforts and forcing my head down in prayer, taking control of myself and being diliberate in my actions. Not making excuses for passivness, or justifying sin. Yesterday I had two major slip ups, of which I went to God in reverence seeking forgiveness. I feel a building up of my person in Christ, I am beginning to see and identify distinct differences between who I am in the flesh, and who I am in God. It is helping me in my struggle against all the things in myself that crave to satisfy the flesh, and in understanding when I need to hit my knees and seek out God for strength. 

 

12/5/12

Had some random dreams throughout the night. But, after having fully slept throughout the night (and mostly do to my current state of lethargicness) I continued to sleep. I had a series of lucid dreams. Two of which stood out.

Firstly, there was a young woman on my bed, with a piece of paper in her lap, and on that piece of paper were symbols written. Some numbers, but mostly symbols and letters.

I remember seeing what looked like symbols used for the grouping of seperate groups of numbers. Like a { symbol. She was speaking about what the different equations meant, and she said that one was equal to “being addicted to meth.” Another, “Well, you’re just dead.”. And, another, “pure evil.” I saw that she had written out “9-2” when she said that. I asked, “Is 9-2 pure evil?” She said, “Yes, in this particulare case. But you have to understand this certain equation.” Basically saying that 7 doesn’t always equal pure evil, but in this case it did. Yes, I know, 7 is God’s number. Trust me, I’m just as much along for the ride as you.

The second dream I had I was in a very nice, large house. I was in what looked like to be a large ball-room, and my oldest sister was there. But it wasn’t really her, it just looked like her. She was showing me, again, a group of equations on a piece of paper. She said, do you know what a “*I can’t remember the word*”, and I said, “That’s not a word.” She then pointed at the grouping symbol that, again, looked like } and said, “It’s that.”

I asked her how I was supposed to understand what she was trying to teach me, and she said to “slow down my thinking.” I then told her I was dreaming, and that I would try to come back to where I was if I were to wake up. At this point, she looked at me and her facial expression was like, “Really, man? Seriously?” That’s the only way I know how to describe it.

Anyway, sorry for the lag in updates, just haven’t been having dreams I felt worthy of sharing, until last nights. Gimme’ some feedback if you feel so inclined.

11-28-12

Most of my dreams were just little adventures. Though, the one that is worth recording isn’t really pleasant. I was speaking to a woman who was wondering why I was there. I said because I lost how to love. I told her, “You love with both your mind, and your heart. And my heart died. That’s why I’m here every night.” She looked absolutely mortified. She said, “That’s horrible.” “I know.” I responded and she re-iterated, “NO, that’s incredibly terrifying! What you have told me is terrible” I KNOW.

One more from last week

I was outside the church I went to as a kid. I was inside my car, when someone came in. Apparently it wasn’t my car, and I realized this when I looked at the dashboard and it was different than mine. So, I got out. I started walking around and saw a group of very attractive girls in the back seat of a car. Over the last several months I have come across attractive women in my dreams, tried to kiss them, only to wake up. In one dream I tried to talk to one, and she said, “I actually really don’t want to talk to you right now.” So I said, “Okay, you don’t have to.”

So I walk up to the group of girls in the back seat of the car, and ask if I can kiss the one I was talking to. She said sweetly, “No, but you can have a hug” I had become confused by the rejections I had been having recently, and just blurted out, “Are you angels?” They all exclaimed with excitement “YES!!” and threw their hands up and looking at each other. It was as if they were not allowed to tell me unless I asked them. I asked, “Does God love me?” They all became a bit somber and looked sad. One replied, “God always wants to provide you opportunities. He just needs you to be stable.” They took off and I sat on the curb in the parking lot looking at the trees. It instantly went from night to day and I noticed the beautiful coloring of the fall-time tree leaves. A large tour bus with the number “12” on the side drove past me. A man then walked up to me, tapped me on the shoulder and handed me a box of some kind of bread. It appeared to be fried, but wasn’t. It was very pleasurable to eat it. It felt good to chew it, the texture of it, the whole experience was very pleasurable. I woke myself up when I swallowed in real life and my throat was dry.

My First Day

This has been a long road. It was, for a very long time, a wide and open road. With plenty of room for traps, diversions, used-cars salesmen and exits that led to no where. Along the way I traveled at top speed in some moments, others I came to a crawl and broke down completely. I’ve some very close calls, minor fender benders, and one very big head-on collision. Hanging by a thread, my pulse barely beating, I stood outside myself looking on with horror. I knew that I had played chicken too long, and that this was the end of me. I was asked by the Dr. if I wished to give up the fight, I declined. I knew there was a destination I was headed, I was sure of it. No way would I have been able to make it as far as I had without something waiting for me at the end, no way I would have fought as hard as I had to have made it, even lying on my death bed, to just give it up now. I had no idea the fight I was in for, what little I knew about the road I was driving on all along, or just how much I had to go. This is my first day, finally driving on that road, steady at the wheel, checking my mirrors, using my turn signals, following my GPS, and finally knowing my destination. This blog is my first on-ramp towards my goal.